Thursday 29 March 2012

It's Not Just Me Then

A couple of days ago I read a cartoon on the very funny but sometimes too close to home Celeriacs. It was entitled: You Don't Get Invited To Things. It got me thinking, that hasn't been the case in the past but it seems like it is now, I think I've probably used up all my invites by previous panicked declining.

Turning down some invites don't bother me at all, like the brithdays and wedding I didn't want to go to, the wedding anniversary and birthday parties coming up, I just don't want to go. I'm not bothered if these people don't invite me again. It's nothing to do with being a coeliac in these instances, just me being generally unsociable.

The invites that are going to be lost forever due to me being a coeliac are the ones closer to home, and they're the only ones that matter.

When I realised the impact that my coeliac was having on the person closest to me I decided that I had to do something about it, I had to at least try to regain some of the zest for adventure. So I did, I went totally out of the safe comfort zone I had built myself since being sick and I booked a night away. For me that was a big deal.

I planned and planned it again, I made sure to email where I hoped we would be staying to make absolutely sure that they could cater for me and they reassured me totally that they could. A nice day in the countryside, a lovely meal and a romantic night away. The first bit was spot on, it was a lovely day in the countryside, the rest? Well that got shot to bits when the hotel glutened me.

Zest for adventure? Sure, I'll risk the embarrassment of it all, the pain and the impending illnesses that I'm at risk of because of gluten, all in the name of adventure!

That's the mindset that I just can't get to. Since that incident I have tried on numerous occasions to eat out and I've had more bad experiences than I've had good, despite desperately trying to plan ahead with restaurants and always being told they could cater for me. They're simply liars.

I see countless coeliacs on Twitter who talk about eating out, going on holiday, doing all the things that I would be doing were I not a coeliac. How come it's so easy for them and so difficult for me? I've tried so bloody hard. The anxiety wins every time.

I'm at the end of my tether with this, I'm now that Celeriac in the cartoon. Everyone else has plans, but not me. I'd far rather be this Celeriac, bananas are ok, I'd happily eat just bananas for a holiday somewhere beautiful, if the anxiety let me get on a plane.

Right about now being a coeliac sucks.

But at least I haven't got a potato up my bottom, at least there's that.

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