Monday, 12 May 2014

Sweet Cheesecake And More

I do hope you aren't expecting a recipe from this post because if you are.. a) you're going to be disappointed and b) it's likely that by the end of this you'll think that I'm slightly nuts. More so than usual.

Every year there is one night where myself and 180 million others tune in to what always seems like a universe of silliness, it's Eurovision of course. It's what most people would call a guilty pleasure I guess but I don't have such things, it's just a plain old pleasure to me. Camp, awkward at times and lots of people not taking themselves seriously, it's a giant gift that keeps on giving.

This year I decided to read my Twitter feed for the duration, it was the biggest lols I've had in ages.

I present to you my first food related song from the event, Cheesecake:

"I look over Google maps trying to escape 'cause I'm tied up in your sweet cheesecake". Lyrics so bad they're brilliant.


That man is singing about leaving his girlfriend because she calls him her Sweet Cheesecake. And he's not into that. I guess he's not a big Bake Off fan and I'm kind of with him there, I wouldn't want to be called a Cheesecake either, sweet or not. I'm now of the opinion that there is nothing sexy about Cheesecake. Nothing.

This next one is a keeper. It's called Cake To Bake and I can totally relate to this on a very personal baking level.

"I've got a cake to bake – I’ve got no clue at all (cep, cep, cep, cep, cep kuuku)
I've got a cake to bake – and haven't done that before (cep, cep, cep, cep, cep kuuku)
don't be proud, mate please don't bother,
go, come on and ask your mother,
how to bake, how to bake, bake that cake..."


I can't relate to the bit about asking my Mother how to bake a cake though, she'd give me a tenner and send me off to a shop. 

That one didn't make it through to the final and I feel like they were a bit robbed. It's a song about baking a cake. Pure, innocent and they mention a Unicorn and the Milky Way. I don't know if I'm being sarcastic or not.

The Polish entry also talks about food, specifically Cream and Butter. I didn't realise that at the time but it now makes total sense as to why there was a busty milkmaid in a low cut top provocatively sliding a stick up and down in a bucket on stage. The UK phone voters of course made this their #1 and my Twitter feed got even funnier than it had been.

<Video intentionally left out>

A brief food mention in this one and I'm glad because it was my second favourite and I wanted to include it.

"Even if you're taller 
Or someone who is smaller 
Or perhaps you're thinner 
Or one who loves his dinner"


That band are called Pollaponk which of course totally makes me think of In The Night Garden, which in turn then makes me think of Iggle Piggle and Upsy Daisy with their problematic mucky patch.

I need help.

This next one has to be included because of a Tweet from one of my favourite journalists.

"I am the hunter you are the prey, tonight I’m gonna eat you up" That's not the tweet, that's the lyric in question.


The genius that is India Knight tweeted "You can't sing 'I am the hunter and you are the prey' if you have calf's eyes." "Like a Care Bear saying 'I want you'. It's just creepy. #eyes"

At which point I totally lost the plot.

Eurovision is what Twitter was made for.

Sadly I can think of no more food related songs from this year but the winner does have the surname Wurst so that works.


Ah Eurovision. Delightfully weird and silly and fun. If only it was a permanent state of being somewhere, I'd go live there.

(For the record my favourite was The Netherlands but it was so un-eurovision and a bit sad I now realise having read the lyrics. I think it was conjoined mic stand that did it)

Normal service may resume at some stage but it's unlikely. So long as I can ramble on and it's vaguely food related that's what me gonna do :)

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